Monday, May 23, 2011

Eggshells, Needles And Pins; Oh, My!

I had my breast biopsy on Friday and though my doctor is optimistic, there is still that little chance... Yeah.  I managed to keep my mind off of things for the better part of the weekend.  Now, in the home stretch, my nerves are fraying.

Tomorrow I will call his office to get my results.  I too am optimistic.  Still, I can't help but play odd scenarios over and over in my mind.  What if it's bad news? Would they really tell me over the phone?  I didn't think they did that.  I don't know.  I guess they figure if they have to tell patients to come in and not say why... they get it.  I guess it's safer that way;  better not to have an already freaked-out patient drive knowing the news isn't good... or assuming it's bad.  Yep.  That has to be it.  Better to freak the patients out in the safety and comfort of their own homes.  Yes, I'm being facetious.  I tend to to that when I'm nervous.

I did find out today that my surgery is scheduled, already!  June 10th.  2:30p.m.  Outpatient.  On a Friday!  Funny, after the biopsy and after agreeing that the tumor should come out, the doctor (My beloved Dr. Parikh was away at a conference... saw his partner, Dr. Falcao) explained the surgery then said,

"Well, all that's left for you do to is to tell me how you'd like to be sedated;  we can do a local where you're awake, or we can do something a bit more... "

I had a bad time with the biopsy.  Valium kicked in on the ride home.  Gauging by the look on my face, he smiled sweetly and gently said,

"Don't worry, I'll make sure you sleep throughout the entire procedure."

God bless you, Dr, Falcao.

I have managed to keep my mind somewhat free of stress.  I re-arranged my beads. Seed beads in color order but according to the size of the tubes they are in. Gemstone beads arranged by color.  Swarovskis® in color wheel order.  Pearls by shape and size, assorted glass beads by shape and 'crap beads' by type.    As soon as that was done, I tried to think of another mindless chore;  Aha!  I can arrange my nail polishes! I took all of them off of my shelf I made with my dad years ago, and looked at them (I didn't bother counting them.  I may still do that later tonight if I need another mindless task).  First, I put them  in color order, but hated that.  Too much chaos.  Re-did it in brand order (I really don't have OCD, I swear).  Better. Nice and uniform.   I Exercised a bit.  My legs.  I'm still really sore from the biopsy... and itchy!  Oh, my God.  I had to actually down some Benadryl last night because the itching was so intense.  I guess that means it's healing?

It helps to write about it.  I really don't mind if nobody reads it.  Just getting it OUT and ONTO something is so cathartic.  If I can't have my parents around to talk to, writing it out as if I was speaking with them?  Whatever.  It's helpful.

The kids are so helpful and sweet.  My youngest son even went so far as to starting a prayer circle among his friends on Facebook.   And my husband is again dealing with yet another health scare; another reason to worry about his wife.  Sometimes I want to scream:  "WHY ME?  WHY US?"  I then remember my mantra:  It Could Be Worse.  And it could.  I am grateful that I am near the best doctors, and blocks from two of the best hospitals in the country. Thank you, Johns Hopkins... much appreciated!

One request:  after this is all over, can it please stop?  Just one month without having to deal with a doctor.  Without having blood drawn from tired veins.  Without CAT Scans.  Ultrasounds.  I want to go to the doctor in six months for a normal check-up. Seriously, it's getting quite embarrassing, now.   Okay, yes, now I'm whining.

A storm is approaching.  Going to open the winders and get some air.  I'll post when I get my results.  In any case, the tumor is coming OUT.  That's a good thing!  Yes, I'll keep focus on the positive.  And pray like there's no tomorrow (again).


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