Thursday, April 7, 2011

Sleep Patterns Turn Into Bead Patterns; Film at Eleven... or Two (I'll be awake)

 From Merriam Webster:


noun \in-ˈsäm-nē-ə\

Definition of INSOMNIA

: prolonged and usually abnormal inability to get enough sleep 
It sucks.   There is no other way to say it.  Insomnia sucks.  For the past six nights, I have fallen asleep early and my eyes pop open at 2:00 a.m.  Okay, so perhaps insomnia is the incorrect diagnosis.  My days and nights are just out of sync.  When I say I fall asleep early, I mean early;  7:00 p.m.  I wake up at 9:00 p.m.  then wake back up at 2:00 a.m.  I get up and use the bathroom, get a drink of water, say 'Hello' to Aaron who is and always has been a night owl, then try to get back to sleep.  I do the "Toss/turn" dance for about 15 minutes then grab my glasses and my iTouch and play a few hands of Spider, hoping it'll make my eyelids heavy.  I tire of Spider and play some Bejeweled Blitz, check my email and Facebook... and before I know it, it's 3:30.  I turn off my iTouch, turn over and try again.  I clear my cluttered mind.  I count beads.  I take a mental inventory of my bead box. Then my mind drifts to design.  Then I start thinking about my Wilton Icing tips.  I need a few more.  Then, of course, my mind drifts to cake.  I'm hungry, now.  I angrily turn over, punching my pillows in a frustrated attempt at getting comfy.  This disturbs my slumbering husband, but only long enough for him to turn over.  He's already back to sleep.  I let out a jealous sigh.  Eyes wide open.  

I think the switch started when I started working again.  I had an assignment that I knew was easy and since I normally get them late in the afternoon or early evening (the company that I transcribe for is in Phoenix), I thought I'd just stay up and type.  That's when my troubles started.  Not that I blame work.  I need to find something to do after dinner besides falling asleep.

I need to get back to walking.  I'm pretty much all recovered from my last surgery and though I still have some pain (always will, I found out), I really need to get out and walk.  I'm going to drag my youngest son with me.  I miss it.  And I could stand to lose a few lbs.  I'm hoping that between the fresh evening air and exercise, I'll get a burst of energy and then get tired when it's appropriate.  

I do love being up early.  I always have.  It's my time.  Still, 4:00 a.m. is a bit too early. I mean, the roosters are still snoring.  The crack of dawn hasn't cracked, yet.  The early birdies are still dreaming of getting their worms. 

I started writing this at 4:15 a.m.   It's now 5:30.  Time to wake Alex up and make his lunch.  Yeah, I still do that... when I'm up.  It's one of the last things I can still do for my son as a Mom.  Usually it's Dad's job, as he's up anyway.  I've been recovering a lot -- from surgeries and such, so he's been an angel and let me sleep. Thanks, Dear! 

So here is my dilemma;  do I stay up, now?  I could go back to bed and sleep until close to 10:00 a.m.   That's what I have been doing all week.  I hate it.  If I sleep past 7:30, I feel as if my day is shot.  It goes by entirely to fast and I get nothing done.  If I stay up, will I crash at 6:00?  Too tired to walk?  

Insomnia sucks.  Getting your days and nights mixed up sucks.  Lying awake thinking about crazy stuff sucks.  Staying awake all day, fighting the normal 'Three O'clock Sleepies' is hard on a good day, but totally sucks when you have to fight them, having only slept for three hours.  

Maybe, since I am now my own boss, and can work whenever I feel like it, I can just keep going like this.  I mean, there is no rule or law that says I must go to bed at this hour and wake up at that hour, right?  Still, it'd be kind of nice to be awake to see my husband when he gets home.  Waking up after he's already come to bed sucks.  

I don't know what to do.  

Let me sleep on it.

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