Thursday, December 30, 2010

(Happy) New Year

Happy New Year… blah, blah, blah…

It’s my least favorite time of year.   It lasts about a week.  Matter of fact, it lasts for exactly one week.  Christmas is over.  That magical, sparkly, secretive, bake until your veins have molasses going through them, Caroling  time of year is over.  I do bask in the first few days following Christmas;  watching the boys playing and messing around with their new toys and gadgets.  Even my husband was like a kid this year and I loved watching him 'play.'  I had a fantastic time, gifts excluded. Uhm... now what?  I sit and wait for the year to end.  Damn.   What a let-down.

When I was younger -- much younger --  I liked it, I guess.   Sure, it was neat getting to stay up late and watch Dick Clark ring in the Rockin’ New Year.  I even got sips of Champagne.  Still, it wasn’t like I couldn’t wait for it to be New Year’s Eve.  Matter of fact, other than the fact that it changed numbers, it was just another night and day, to me… oh, and we ate black-eyed peas.  Meh.  

As I got older, I would go out with friends and celebrate with them.  Hell, it was a chance to drink, dance and party with a lot of people.  I had some good times; very good times.  The best time I ever had was in 1986.  I went out with a guy I worked with.  His name was Rob Botkin.  I’m married to him, now.  Best New Year’s Eve ever!  If it were not for the fact that we sort of celebrate that date as our ‘First Date,” I would probably just go to bed.  

I can’t stand New Year’s Eve.  My family knows it, too. I HATE IT.

Not really sure why.  I don’t drink like a fish, anymore.  Matter of fact, I had my first drink in I’d say a year last week when we met friends for dinner.  I didn’t even finish my Happy Hour Margarita (Had a BLAST, though)!  I don’t know if it has anything to do with the ‘Christmas Has Just Ended” or not, but I get very depressed in the days before NYE.  I can’t put my finger on it.  I just don’t like it.  I get very melancholy.   The Blues.  Not the “Winter Blues” (I do get Periwinkle though, remember).  

No matter how my year went, I am sad to say ‘good-bye’ to it.  Everyone is in an all-fire hurry to just kick the year's ass into next year.  Sure, it took 365 days to live it, but dang!   Yes, the past year has been a bad one… a rough and painful one on so many levels.  I’ve lost family members.  Close friends have become very, very ill.  Loved ones are ill and fighting the fight of their lives.  I’ve dealt with more surgery, more pain.  More fear.  And yet I still don’t like seeing the year just… stop. I sometimes look at the NYE shows and get angry that all those people are so effing happy to just sweep that long year away.  Silly, I know.  But,  I had some wonderful moments as well.  I reconnected with family that I had never met.  I made a lot of new friends, and reconnected with old ones.  I’ve watched my children grow and mature into amazing young men.  I’ve laughed!  And yet, as much as this year -- it is STILL 2010 -- has tested me, I still grow sad that it’s ending.  

A new year is a new beginning; a new start.  I guess.  Some things will still be the same.  Yes, that is a very depressing thought,on some levels. But I’m right on schedule.  I’m sad.  I don’t mind aging; never have, but I have a real problem with ‘time marching on,’ if you will.  

I tend to think about my mother on NYE.  I miss her very much on NYE.  I can’t tell you why that is.  My folks always went out on NYE with their friends.  They got all dressed up and mom would pull out her huge bottle of Chanel No. 5 and gingerly dab it on… letting me have a teensy bit.  Dad would shine his shoes (I loved watching him do that) and I would brush them to a mirror shine for him.  They would always feel bad about leaving me alone; they started doing that when I turned 12.  I always told them not to feel bad.  "You're home ALL THE TIME... GO OUT... PLEASE!"  They'd laugh, then stop; look back at me... and I'd shove them out the door.  Sometimes I’d have a friend sleep over, but for the most part, I wanted to be alone.  They would call me at midnight and I would grab Dad’s Klaxon horn (okay, THAT was FUN.  That sucker is loud as heck and I LOVED waking up the neighborhood) to ring in the new year with them.  I’d be sleeping when they got home, tipsy and happy.  The next day, NYD, would see my family not doing much.  Dad would insist on black-eyed peas and I would insist on a grilled cheese.  Now, I love those peas, but my family hates them.  I buy a single can for myself which I do make on NYD.  Why?  I honestly don’t know.  Oh yeah, they bring good luck (Snort).  I think I need a new 'good luck in the New Year' dish. 

So there it is.  I go from flying high from the third Thursday in November, until December 26th then crash land into … Meh.  

I do have plans for 2011; lots of plans.  And most likely, they will take until 2012 to come to fruition… and then I’ll be blue all over again.  That’s a very pessimistic attitude, I know.  I am normally a very positive person… the cup is always half full.  Blame it on the 31st of December.  

So please excuse me if I am a bit quiet on the 31st of December.  Pardon my grumpiness as my husband gently and sweetly awakens me at 11:45 to watch the ball drop with the family.  Excuse me if I don’t have any champagne… well okay, a sip or two; after all it is the anniversary of my first date with the best man on the planet.   By the way;  I'm back to my old silly, happy, positive-thinking, the 'glass is half full' self in the morning.  I'm all for new beginnings.  Just don't label me as a misanthrope for hating NYE;  It's nothing personal.  Maybe someday I'll like it.  Just don't get your hopes up;  I've stopped trying to like it.  
Robert & Maryfrances, circa 1988.

HAPPY -- Anniversary to US!  And... oh yeah:  Happy New Year (Just because I don't like the day, does not mean I don't wish for a good one)!

1 comment:

  1. i love your writing! i'm not excited about NYE, either, but my attitude's pretty superficial. I just think all the hype is absurd; we're moving the calendar one more day, just as we have all year. I love that it's the anniversary of your and Rob's first date. That's awesome - and definitely a reason to celebrate! Your memories of your mom and dad on NYE are beautiful, too; good stuff! In a way, I'm glad when Christmas is over because there are so many expectations in play that I'm glad for the pressure to be off so we can get back to the business of daily living. I like those 4-5 weeks of joy leading up to it, but it's usually a relief to me when it's over. (is that blasphemous?) The post-Christmas crash wasn't too bad this year, but probably because I chose not to get overly excited about the holiday this year. With moving boxes still everywhere, i just couldn't do the things i like to do (no sewing in almost a year now. bummer).


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